Movie Review: ABRAHAM LINCOLN VS. ZOMBIES

Every now and then a movie will come along that you love to hate...(or hate to love?) For me, Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies is one of those films (Dir. Richard Schenkman, Perf. Bill Oberst, Jr., Hannah Bryan, Ron Ogden, Jason Vail, The Asylum, 2012). 

The movie is set during the latter part of the Civil War, and there is a zombie epidemic happening in the Deep South that Ole Abe commissions himself and 12 other Secret Service agents to contain. Along the way, they find a few ragtag citizens bunkered down in protection against the army of undead. Among these citizens is a town prostitute (who turns out to be Lincoln’s former love interest, jilted when he begins his political career), her daughter (played by someone you may recognize), and a very young Teddy Roosevelt, and the three of them join Lincoln and his men in black to fight their way through the city. Now, right there is where it gets confusing. Did the President and his 12 Merry Men go actually fight the zombies or fight their way out? Every thing seems to happen as they go along with no real plan.

The movie has constant scenes of people running, but there never seems to be a compelling reason for why. Even for zombies, these are the slowest zombies ever. Like, EVER. I swear that at one point during the movie, when a group of actors are running from a herd of glacial-speed moving zombies, the actors actually seemed to stop for a moment to wait for the zombies to catch up. Whether or not this was a glitch in editing for the action that was happening in frame, I’m not sure. Then there is a scene where the entire group of main actors is sitting inside some sort of lodge and sharpening tools for weapons. This was one of the most comical scenes for me to watch (and perform in.) You see characters languidly sharpening their tools, one of them (perf. Ron Ogden) actually sharpening his axe blade with a block of wood - WOOD! - as they exchange knowing glances at each other one by one. There was such a lack of urgency in the scene that it could have been a group of farm workers getting ready to go out into the fields to thresh wheat, rather than going out to fight a horde of undead.

Nearly every character gets killed, except Old Abe, of course, and the movie wraps with the President talking soothingly to his former lady love - once human, now zombie - who is on the floor in chains and gnashing her teeth at Lincoln. At one point, he can’t help himself and reaches out for a comforting touch and gets rewarded with a zombie scratch to his arm. If you like trainwreck movies, this film is a masterpiece just waiting for popcorn to be thrown at it.

Works Cited

Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies (Video 2012) - IMDb.
Adams, Jason. “Awfully Good: Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies.” JoBlo. 20 June 2012

;)