Contemporary French Culture

There were so many amazing things I experienced during my study abroad trip to France in 2016.

I was able to see beautiful buildings, scenery, and artistic structures of historical significance. It was incredible. I have always been curious about going to visit France, and one of the things I had heard often from other people who had visited was that French people can be snobby and rude. I honestly did not find that to be the case. Their mannerisms are maybe a little bit different from what Americans may be used to, but it didn’t bother me. There were a few things that were different that maybe would be bothersome to other people, particularly people who are not as good adjusting to things that are different from what they are used to, but I welcomed the differences, because it gave me a chance to have another perspective in how people live in a different part of the world. I think that some of the “rudeness” that Americans may be perceiving (or have perceived) are actually just responses from European people in reaction to things that Americans do that we may not realize we’re doing. I will elaborate on some of these observations in the next few pages of this paper.

One of the first things that I noticed that is a little bit different is the food and food service. When we arrived in Frankfurt, a group of us decided to snack while at the airport, and although we joked that McDonald’s was the last place we wanted to eat, that’s exactly what we ate the first hour that we were in Europe. We stood in line, but everyone stayed a few feet back from the register instead of lining up right behind it. Each person went up to the counter one at a time. While I was waiting in line about to go next, a gentleman approached from my left and then just cut in front of me and went to the register. I thought maybe there were two lines that were forming, so I didn’t object. A guy behind me indicated that you kind of have to go up to the register quickly or else people would cut in front of you like that. I thought that was a little strange, but it didn’t make me mad. I ordered sort of a flatbread type wrap with ham and cheese (sort of like the small breakfast wraps you can get at Dunkin Donuts.) It had a few strips of ham and one slice of pasteurized cheese. Fairly scant, but it didn’t bother me. I didn’t want to eat too much anyway, because I wasn’t sure if we’d end up eating somewhere else as a group shortly after that once we arrived in Strasbourg.

The cultural environment wasn’t too much of a jarring difference for me. There were a few things I noticed that were a little different from what you might normally see in the United States that I didn’t notice as much (or at all) in France. For one thing, I’m not sure if I ever saw anyone walking around with to-go cups of coffee. If I did, it was seldom (or one of us.) People treat coffee as an experience or as a ritual more than just something to chug down in a hurry, and I am the same way, so that was a neat thing to notice. I liked that coffee was served in smaller cups and that it was always served with some kind of treat or lagniappe on the side, like a dark chocolate or a biscuit (crisp wafer.) That made it even more like an experience. Another thing that I noticed is that people didn’t smile too much. I smile so naturally and easily that I’ll just smile at almost anyone when I see them, but as I’ve gotten older and been in larger cities, I tend to be more serious now as well, unless I’m already engaged in conversation with someone.

Sometimes smiling seems to welcome or invite unwanted interlopers. I figure that’s maybe why the French/European people do not smile so much or maybe they’re just in a hurry and smiling isn’t considered necessary. Another thing that I noticed was that people tend to keep their bodies tighter and closer together in the sense that they do not have exaggerated gestures or movements. A few times, one of my fellow student travelers would remark that French people don’t say “excuse me” as much as Americans do, and after reflecting on it for a little bit, I got to thinking that maybe it was because Americans tend to “get in the way” more, and because of that, we have to apologize and say “excuse me” more than Europeans. We tend to stand in doorways and aisles more, so when someone French was hurrying by and maybe brushed up against us somewhat brusquely without saying “excuse me”, they might’ve been frustrated because one or several of us was in the way. That was my perception. It’s a possibility anyway.

I’m not really sure if I had “cultural surprises” necessarily. I was in no way ever offended or stunned by any of the previously heard of “rudeness” that I’d heard about from other people who had visited France, so maybe because I expected or anticipated that to a certain degree, I was surprised to see that I never encountered any rudeness or at least not any obvious rudeness that I found appalling. If anything, it just seemed to be the expected cultural differences.
As far as anything that I might’ve said or did that would give locals the impression that I’m a foreigner, I guess the most obvious would be when they were talking to me. My accent is a give-away, of course, even when I was trying to speak French, which I did as often as I could. I tried to bring clothes that I thought would blend in more as European: dark pants, tops, and scarves, which is kind of how I dress typically back at home anyway. All of us in the group were taking pictures a good bit, so I’m sure that made us seem touristy as well.

One of the things that became a common joke with our group was a phrase we came up with: “dropping the wheat.” That was our go-to phrase whenever one of us would do something that was obviously “American” in a potentially obnoxious way. That started when Kevin tried to walk over one of the restaurant booths and caused a glass-encased artwork full of wheat to drop from the wall. Occasions that came up that provided the opportunities to be mocked with the phrase “dropping the wheat”: Ryan repeatedly trying to have conversation in French with locals prompting them to immediately switch over to English in a somewhat awkward manner and me nearly getting locked into a bathroom at the train station had I not noticed a red button near the door with “Sortie” right above it indicating that it was for exiting the bathroom, among other such humorously embarrassing circumstances.

When we first arrived in Europe, for maybe the first few days we tried to heed the advice that the other international affairs department teacher had given us during orientation, for instance, not to be too loud, not to wear very colorful clothing, etc. So whenever we were at dinner and found ourselves getting too loud laughing at things and whatnot, we’d try to shush each other back down, but the last week or so, we were kind of like “whatever” and we just had a good time, even if it was in our old obnoxious American way. I thought it was funny how almost everyone in the group, including the two guys, ended up wearing berets and scarves and trying to look French. Sometimes I feel like Americans are the younger siblings of the French, in that we’re younger as a nation with a much younger history and still forming our culture somewhat. We look up to the French to learn how to be more sophisticated, worldly, intellectual, philosophical and artistic. I feel like Americans are more apt to adopt French culture than the other way around. In return, the French, kind of like an older sibling who might roll their eyes at a younger sibling constantly following them around, are actually flattered and amused about it, even if they call us “stupid Americans.” I feel like Americans and French have long had a special relationship that way or at least it’s the way I perceive it.

Contact with the locals helped me learn how to handle myself in certain customs. Dr. Mertz’s dad was one of the first to help me notice how the French culture is a little different as far as restaurant customs. I ordered a coffee late in the afternoon close to dinnertime and because the server seemed a little confused at first, I thought maybe I didn’t request it properly with the right language wording. He assured me that it was probably due more to the timing of the request than how I requested it. One thing that I noticed was that older people in the more rural and smaller areas in North France around Alsace, for instance, were more patient and understanding with us attempting to speak in French and maybe they even welcomed it. Almost every young person we encountered already knew how to speak English, so when we would try to order things or ask directions in French, it was kind of obvious that they were just letting us stammer our way through it to humor us, because it wasn’t really necessary. I was a little embarrassed that so many French people know our language so well more than the other way around. I kind of feel like American education is shortchanged somewhat in that regard. I think foreign language courses should be more integrated into the school curriculums in the United States.

I didn’t have a whole lot of personal time or space while in France, but occasionally I would just go walk out by myself as there was time, particularly when in Paris. I would go up to a cafe alone to get coffee or grab something from the store. I liked having a little bit of alone time, but I also wanted a chance to practice some French without having someone else from my group correcting me or telling me what to say. That frustrated me at first, but then I tried to be more relaxed about it realizing that they were probably just trying to practice, too, by helping me or maybe they were just proud of what they knew and wanted to show it off a little. I didn’t let it become a big deal to me.

Meal times were interesting. Like us, the French like their coffee which was a welcomed thing. It’d be kind of tough for me, or a challenge rather, to go to a country that didn’t appreciate coffee as much. They definitely didn’t seem to require as much for breakfast. Not that I typically eat a heavy breakfast, but I generally have a little more variety, even in small amounts, at the start of the day than what was usually offered in France, if we weren’t at a restaurant. I noticed this especially when we were in Paris. Every day the breakfast was a chocolate croissant or a baguette with coffee and/or orange juice. I don’t think I ever saw a plate of bacon and eggs or an omelette once while I was there. Again, it didn’t really bother me. The bread was actually good and so was the coffee. There was more breakfast offered at the hotel we stayed at in Strasbourg, but I liked the coffee better at the hotel in Paris, and coffee is always more important to me than quantity of food anyway, even back home in the States. I really liked and was impressed with the service in France. They get what you need and then leave you alone. I never got interrupted while talking with someone else. That happens often at restaurants here in America, which bothers me, but I’ve gotten used to it. I think my time in France just made me more aware of how clueless American servers can be. They’d rather just constantly ask if you’re ok and if you need anything instead of observing and doing it without having to ask. And I liked that servers kept portable credit card machines with them so that they could take payments at the table. I also liked that tips were already included. It was far less awkward than trying to calculate the right tip and hoping you left enough, even if service wasn’t great. I’m much more of a fan of how the French do it. Tax and gratuity are both already included so less math for me to have to figure out after I’ve had wine to drink.

In conclusion, I really felt like I acclimated well to the French culture. Anything that I came across that was different (such as men’s and women’s restrooms being side-by-side) was more interesting and amusing rather than frustrating and/or frightening to me. I never encountered anyone saying anything shocking or offensive about the U.S., not that I would’ve cared that much. I liked the transportation systems. I’ve always been a fan of public transportation as long as I understand and know how to use it. We rode the train and the metro- rail a good bit while there. I started to understand the subway system a little better a few days after being in France. I was kind of sorry we had to leave so soon, because just when I felt I had it down and could probably even get around by myself, it was time to go. I really hope that I get to go back!

Closing of a chapter...

It’s Tuesday night, and I’m sitting on my patio at 8:30. There’s a tall dewy glass of Prosecco on the table to my right and an intermittent rush of breeze blowing on the back of my neck. The atmosphere has been beckoning a storm all day, but I’m not complaining. I love when it’s like this.

I’m going to be graduating this Saturday…Summa Cum Laude. I’ll be receiving a Bachelor of Arts in Writing, with my major having been English/Professional Communications and my minor in French . After I give my final presentation for a class tomorrow around 3 p.m., I’ll walk away from the Armstrong campus of Georgia Southern University after four and a half years of being a student. The first time I’ve been a student since…well, I’m just old enough to not really want to say, if that gives you a clue.

It would sound cliche to say “time has flown by” since I first registered in August of 2014, and the truth is, it’s hard to know if it’s flown by or not. I think I feel like it’s flown by due to the fact that I can so quickly recall the moment that I first decided to enroll in college when it wasn’t that much of a priority for me before. If you want me to be honest, I kind of decided to enroll on a whim. 

The 18-year old daughter of someone I was close to had already taken a semester of college courses while she was in high school, and she wanted to come to Savannah and go to Armstrong. That put things in perspective for me. 

I was an obscure actress at the time, known and respected mainly in the towns I lived and worked in, which included Jackson, New Orleans and Savannah, with a few independent projects in my repertoire but no solid hits; a lot of potential and some connections but no guarantees.

Well…only the guarantee that I was getting older. That was about it. What was going to be my Act 2? Or 3? Time marches on and slows down for no one. I didn’t want to abandon my dreams, but maybe it was time to reshape them.

I enrolled in college first with the idea that I would just get something going…just move forward with something, and I’ll figure out the rest later. I wasn’t even sure about a major. Mostly because I had too many conflicting interests. I already had invested a lot in the world of theater and film, but I also had an avid appreciation for aviation. (How’s that for alliteration?) And I wasn’t too terrible at mathematics. It crossed my mind to try becoming an actuary or even an aerospace engineer. I knew a good bit about the science of aerodynamics from years of pilot training.

Before I enrolled, I already was doing intellectual exercises on a daily basis. That only got me so far. I was still bartending late nights on the weekend. I needed something else.

For the first two semesters, I went to school part-time since I felt like I needed to pay cash for my tuition. At my age, I didn’t think I had a chance at scholarships or whatever else kids get right out of school so they can go to college for free. I took a basic required algebra course and a composition course each of those semesters just to get things going and start checking off boxes to see how feasible this all could be.

The prospect of four more years of school stretched dauntingly ahead of me, but it was also exciting and kind of a fresh new direction. There are more certainties when it comes to achieving academic excellence, especially in mathematics and other scientific courses, at least more so than I could expect when I was going for theater and film roles. With that, it didn’t always matter how much I prepared with the script and how well I prepared my look…I either got the part or I didn’t. I got a few, but there were many more that I didn’t.

In college, if you go to class, do the studying, the homework, and at least some of the readings, you’ll probably get pretty good grades. I wasn’t sure about the writing, because I figured that would be more subjective on the part of the professor.

The funny thing is, I got pretty high marks for my analytical essays. It’s not that I hadn’t been praised for my writing before, but it usually came from friends and people who knew me. This was the first time I had gotten this kind of validation. I discovered that I may have an ability as a writer and communications specialist after all. Now just where it will lead me, I’m not sure.

I know that I have probably felt more comfortable and confident these past 4 years than I have maybe felt in my entire life. I’m sure it has to do with multiple aspects of my circumstance. The kind of circumstance that has allowed me to accomplish many things in nearly half a decade. 

I’ve had two study abroad trips–to France for a few weeks and then Italy for several months–which opened up in me a passion for ancient history that I never knew I had. I got to complete a creative internship at a production studio in Los Angeles, at the end of which I was offered a job to work closely with a screenwriter and producer for a television show. I also finally achieved my long sought after pilot’s license at the end of that summer.

And then my brother got into a catastrophic aviation accident while piloting a plane. He lost his leg and nearly lost his life. 

That changed everything.

A vital part of me wanted to make my dreams of becoming a successful film industry professional a reality more than ever, if for no other reason than to help my brother and my family after this ordeal. I’d already come so far. I had people at big studios telling me to move out to Los Angeles as soon as possible.

But then I sat with my brother for lunch at a bar in my hometown over a year ago, and he said that if he “had a billion dollars,” it wouldn’t give him back what he had. That stuck with me for a long time. Even if I could somehow make a billion dollars–which I most likely wouldn’t–the best I could hope to do is just make him a little more comfortable with this new circumstance of life that he found himself in. I’d never be able to give him back what he had. Not even with the best that money could buy.

The same went for everyone I deeply cared about. I wouldn’t be able to give them back what they once had: their youth, a working body part, someone they lost in death. All I could do is live with them and for them now and try to give them the best I could give in my own circumstance. My brother’s reality has touched my entire family and even beyond family. Everyone who knew him, and the vibrant, athletic, independent, adventurous person he used to be, was likely hit with the reality that tomorrow is guaranteed to no one. And even if you do get a tomorrow, there’s no guarantee that it will be the same as today.

One decision, one incident, one moment can change the direction of our entire lives and also the direction of anyone close to us. The decisions we make have outcomes that cause ripple effects on others in ways we might not even fully realize.

There was just no longer a place in this new reality for me to be chasing dreams in the wilderness of Los Angeles and elsewhere, even if I had every tangible reason to believe that some aspect of them could’ve finally been achieved.

There's an irony in the photo that I've chosen to put at the top of this blog. It's a photo of Jenkins Hall, the place where theater majors and performance art students spend the majority of their time. It's the only hall I've never gone inside during the years I've been a student at Armstrong. I spent nearly 10 years of my life actively pursuing a career in theater and film, even studying at a prestigious theater academy in London for a period of time.

It might seem like I’ve given up those dreams, but as I said in the earlier part of this piece, I realized when I started college that I might have to reshape my dreams. And in actuality, I’m reaching out for much bigger ones, with a much more tangible reality to grasp in the end.

Someday I’d like to tell you more about it, if you’re interested.